Saturday, February 21, 2009
STATS Teams in Action!
So far this month, STATS teams have performed at Reeths-Puffer Middle School, Fruitport Middle School, and Nellie B. Chisholm (Montague) Middle School. Still to come at the end of the month is Muskegon Heights Middle School. A very special THANK YOU to the teachers and adminstration for allowing us to come and share this very important message with their students! We couldn't do it without you!
Sexual Abuse
Since you were little, you were told how to protect yourself when crossing the street or what to do if a stranger tried to get you into his/her car. But what do you do when it's your own relative, friend, or date who is making you feel uncomfortable by touching you in a sexual way?
Do you know that one out of three girls is sexually abused by someone in her family? For boys, the figure is one out of six. And these are just the reported cases. So many kids are afraid to tell.
What is sexual abuse?
You may not be sure what kind of affection is normal within a family. Hugging, kissing, patting each other on the back, and even playful wrestling or tickling are all normal.
But if someone, touches your private parts, insists that you touch theirs, or French kisses you, against your will, that is sexual abuse.
Some abuse doesn't involve touching. Pornography or taking pictures of undressing or nakedness is still sexual abuse.
What do you do?
The first step is to break the silence. Tell someone.
Who do you tell?
Tell an adult you can trust. And if the first person you tell doesn't believe you or doesn't do anything to help, find someone else to tell.
Some examples are: a parent, teacher, school counselor, pastor, or youth leader.
If you're in immediate danger...
Go to a friend's house
Invite friends over
Make a phone call to a caring adult
You are in charge of you
You are the only one in the world who has the right to say who will touch your body. By saying or yelling "No" to an abuser, you're letting him/her know that your body is not up for grabs.
If you're alone in a room with someone who makes you feel uneasy, leave the room immediately. Maybe they haven't actually done anything yet. Maybe they're just sitting or standing too close, or looking at you in a wrong way, or trying to block you, get you in a corner, or acting and speaking as if they know you more than they really do. Leave the room. Don't worry about manners or appearing rude. It's much better to be impolite than to be abused!
Good news
Be clear on this. If you (boy or girl) have been raped, molested, or abused, according to the full, complete definition of virginity, you're still a virgin. Your virginity is something you give away, not something that can be taken from you. So if it was taken, consider yourself still a virgin and protect who you are.
Don't wait
Muskegon County Protective Services receives approximately 3,000 child abuse complaints every year. Probably twice as many go unreported. This means that most people don't report abuse until they are an adult, or not at all.
Do you know that one out of three girls is sexually abused by someone in her family? For boys, the figure is one out of six. And these are just the reported cases. So many kids are afraid to tell.
What is sexual abuse?
You may not be sure what kind of affection is normal within a family. Hugging, kissing, patting each other on the back, and even playful wrestling or tickling are all normal.
But if someone, touches your private parts, insists that you touch theirs, or French kisses you, against your will, that is sexual abuse.
Some abuse doesn't involve touching. Pornography or taking pictures of undressing or nakedness is still sexual abuse.
What do you do?
The first step is to break the silence. Tell someone.
Who do you tell?
Tell an adult you can trust. And if the first person you tell doesn't believe you or doesn't do anything to help, find someone else to tell.
Some examples are: a parent, teacher, school counselor, pastor, or youth leader.
If you're in immediate danger...
Go to a friend's house
Invite friends over
Make a phone call to a caring adult
You are in charge of you
You are the only one in the world who has the right to say who will touch your body. By saying or yelling "No" to an abuser, you're letting him/her know that your body is not up for grabs.
If you're alone in a room with someone who makes you feel uneasy, leave the room immediately. Maybe they haven't actually done anything yet. Maybe they're just sitting or standing too close, or looking at you in a wrong way, or trying to block you, get you in a corner, or acting and speaking as if they know you more than they really do. Leave the room. Don't worry about manners or appearing rude. It's much better to be impolite than to be abused!
Good news
Be clear on this. If you (boy or girl) have been raped, molested, or abused, according to the full, complete definition of virginity, you're still a virgin. Your virginity is something you give away, not something that can be taken from you. So if it was taken, consider yourself still a virgin and protect who you are.
Don't wait
Muskegon County Protective Services receives approximately 3,000 child abuse complaints every year. Probably twice as many go unreported. This means that most people don't report abuse until they are an adult, or not at all.
Pregnancy
"First comes love, Then comes Marriage, Then comes a baby in a baby carriage."
This little tune from your childhood speaks volumes. The truth and order of it holds more wisdom than you may find on TV or the radio today. The world around you says, "if it feels good, do it." Or you hear, "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel." But you're not just an animal, give yourself more credit.
Getting back to the little tune, first you develop a loving relationship with someone. Then you make a lifelong commitment of marriage, and then you make love (have sex) and at some point, the natural outcome could be a baby.
As STATS teams present throughout the county to over 4,000 middle school students each year, the same comments are heard in all schools.
"I knew I was having sex, but I didn't think I'd get pregnant."
"We used a condom. I don't know what happened."
"I didn't think I could get pregnant from just one time."
"We didn't plan on having sex. It just happened."
"I thought we were protected."
If you are still a virgin, high-five yourself! Be proud. And hang in there. But if you've had sex and think you may be pregnant, don't put off being tested. For your health and the baby's, the earlier you know, the better. For free testing call Muskegon Pregnancy Services, and set up an appointment. Everything is kept confidential - nobody else needs to know.Muskegon Pregnancy Services
Hours: Monday & Wednesday 10 - 4 PM
Tuesday and Thursday 10 - 7 PM
Phone: (231) 726 - 2677
Brad's Story
Brad wishes that life were as simple as playing a tape in a VCR, rewinding it to a better spot. But you can't rewind life. However, Brad can learn from his mistakes.
"At the beginning of this school year I had a girlfriend named Kristen. We were good friends and could talk about anything together. She started coming over to my house and we'd hang out in my bedroom because there were so many people in my house. We just started out sitting on my bed and talking and having pillow fights and stuff. After a while, we began kissing and it was hard to stop there. Soon were involved in heavy petting. I still believed I could have stopped before we actually did it. After a few months of this, I didn't want to stop. Then one night, we had sex. It was not what I'd wanted after all. I felt dirty and I knew she did too. It changed everything. I hated myself for doing something I've grown up believing was so wrong. Our relationship was destroyed and we both regret what we did that one night. We both lost our virginity and that's something we can't get back. I keep wishing that I could rewind my life and have a do-over."
"At the beginning of this school year I had a girlfriend named Kristen. We were good friends and could talk about anything together. She started coming over to my house and we'd hang out in my bedroom because there were so many people in my house. We just started out sitting on my bed and talking and having pillow fights and stuff. After a while, we began kissing and it was hard to stop there. Soon were involved in heavy petting. I still believed I could have stopped before we actually did it. After a few months of this, I didn't want to stop. Then one night, we had sex. It was not what I'd wanted after all. I felt dirty and I knew she did too. It changed everything. I hated myself for doing something I've grown up believing was so wrong. Our relationship was destroyed and we both regret what we did that one night. We both lost our virginity and that's something we can't get back. I keep wishing that I could rewind my life and have a do-over."
Diane's Story
Learning from her mistake allowed Diane to become a Secondary Virgin.
"I knew this guy for a long time but hadn't seen him in a while. When we saw each other, we both noticed each other. He was good friends with my older brother, so he'd come over a lot. Every time he came over, we would flirt and talk a lot. My family joked with me and said we liked each other, but I always denied it.
One day, my family went out of town and left me at home. Someone was staying with me, but she didn't get to my house until late that night. My brother's friends (like four of them) stayed at the house to look out for me. After everyone left, that one guy came back. We kissed and "messed around," then he left. But he started calling me. Every time he came over, we would somehow end up alone. We would talk and laugh and kiss. He made a remark about how I could sneak out and go to his house. Being only 14, I thought that would be cool. So, one night, I did. I didn't plan on having sex with him, but one thing led to another, and I did. I told him I didn't want to, but he said, 'You know you're going to do it, so would you rather do it with me or would you rather it be someone else?' I thought for a second and still said no. But when he wouldn't give up, I just went for it. I thought I'd end up doing it anyway, so I might as well have done it with someone I knew real well. We still talked and remained friends, and a few weeks later, I snuck out again and slept with him again. We stayed friends for a few weeks, until some people found out and we stopped talking to each other. I saw him recently when I was out with my friends; I said 'Hi.' He said the same, then introduced me to his girlfriend, but not with my name. Instead, he called me 'Matt's little sister.' That hurt. I knew then how shallow and stupid I'd been. I deeply regret what I did. I've made a promise to myself and to God that I will never do it again. I've set boundaries so I'll never do anything even close to that again. Although this is my Secondary Virginity, it will be with me until I'm married. I'd give anything to take back what I did with him."
"I knew this guy for a long time but hadn't seen him in a while. When we saw each other, we both noticed each other. He was good friends with my older brother, so he'd come over a lot. Every time he came over, we would flirt and talk a lot. My family joked with me and said we liked each other, but I always denied it.
One day, my family went out of town and left me at home. Someone was staying with me, but she didn't get to my house until late that night. My brother's friends (like four of them) stayed at the house to look out for me. After everyone left, that one guy came back. We kissed and "messed around," then he left. But he started calling me. Every time he came over, we would somehow end up alone. We would talk and laugh and kiss. He made a remark about how I could sneak out and go to his house. Being only 14, I thought that would be cool. So, one night, I did. I didn't plan on having sex with him, but one thing led to another, and I did. I told him I didn't want to, but he said, 'You know you're going to do it, so would you rather do it with me or would you rather it be someone else?' I thought for a second and still said no. But when he wouldn't give up, I just went for it. I thought I'd end up doing it anyway, so I might as well have done it with someone I knew real well. We still talked and remained friends, and a few weeks later, I snuck out again and slept with him again. We stayed friends for a few weeks, until some people found out and we stopped talking to each other. I saw him recently when I was out with my friends; I said 'Hi.' He said the same, then introduced me to his girlfriend, but not with my name. Instead, he called me 'Matt's little sister.' That hurt. I knew then how shallow and stupid I'd been. I deeply regret what I did. I've made a promise to myself and to God that I will never do it again. I've set boundaries so I'll never do anything even close to that again. Although this is my Secondary Virginity, it will be with me until I'm married. I'd give anything to take back what I did with him."
Secondary Virginity (noun)-The Decision to STOP Having Sex.
Secondary Virginity is a fresh start for you if you've already had sex. It means, no more sex 'til marriage.
Even though you cannot physically become a virgin again, sex is way more than just a physical act. You know what it feels like to hurt, to have regrets, to have a broken heart, to be humiliated, or to lose respect for yourself.
To protect your emotions, mind, and spirit, you can make a new, fresh start and move into sexual freedom! Sound good to you?
Read Diane and Brad's Stories!
Will this be easy?
Probably not. But remember, most important, things aren't easy to do. You've already found out that the "easy" path is not really easy either.
Choosing secondary virginity may mean setting new boundaries with your boy/girlfriend. Setting and holding new boundaries will take creativity and effort. Think of new things to do, places to go, people to hang out with. And stay away from alcohol and drugs. They're a sure way for you to lose control.
What's next?
Stop having sex - now.
If you have had sex, even once, you are at risk for a sexually transmitted disease. Make an appointment with your doctor.
If you are pregnant or think you may be, call Muskegon Pregnancy Services at (231) 726-2677.
If you've already had a baby, make sure you don't give him or her a brother or sister until after you're married.
If you have had an abortion, through Secondary Virginity you can avoid the pain of having another one.
The decision is yours. You may think, "I've already blown it. There's no point in me even thinking about 'saving myself' for my future spouse." But there is hope. Today, you can choose Secondary Virginity - a fresh start! Make the Pledge to be abstinent!
An Important Step
Tell your friends, family, pastor, or counselor about your decision. They will respect you for choosing this rough road and going against your sex-crazed culture. They can help you stay strong when you are tempted to break your pledge.
Even though you cannot physically become a virgin again, sex is way more than just a physical act. You know what it feels like to hurt, to have regrets, to have a broken heart, to be humiliated, or to lose respect for yourself.
To protect your emotions, mind, and spirit, you can make a new, fresh start and move into sexual freedom! Sound good to you?
Read Diane and Brad's Stories!
Will this be easy?
Probably not. But remember, most important, things aren't easy to do. You've already found out that the "easy" path is not really easy either.
Choosing secondary virginity may mean setting new boundaries with your boy/girlfriend. Setting and holding new boundaries will take creativity and effort. Think of new things to do, places to go, people to hang out with. And stay away from alcohol and drugs. They're a sure way for you to lose control.
What's next?
Stop having sex - now.
If you have had sex, even once, you are at risk for a sexually transmitted disease. Make an appointment with your doctor.
If you are pregnant or think you may be, call Muskegon Pregnancy Services at (231) 726-2677.
If you've already had a baby, make sure you don't give him or her a brother or sister until after you're married.
If you have had an abortion, through Secondary Virginity you can avoid the pain of having another one.
The decision is yours. You may think, "I've already blown it. There's no point in me even thinking about 'saving myself' for my future spouse." But there is hope. Today, you can choose Secondary Virginity - a fresh start! Make the Pledge to be abstinent!
An Important Step
Tell your friends, family, pastor, or counselor about your decision. They will respect you for choosing this rough road and going against your sex-crazed culture. They can help you stay strong when you are tempted to break your pledge.
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